Excuses Men Use When They Don't Want to Commit

You've Likely Heard at Least One of These From Your Man
If you and your man have been together for any length of time, there's a very good chance that the subject of marriage has popped up now and again. You can always tell a lot about a man's commitment issues by how he handles this subject. If he starts to squirm, sweat and excuses begin pouring out of him, you've got a man who isn't ready for marriage on your hands.

Every man is obviously unique but they do have some common excuses they like to use when it comes to why they don't want to marry. Here's a few prime examples:

He can't afford it. If he's living paycheck to paycheck this may be a real issue, but if he's got a stable job and his credit is good, this isn't a viable excuse. As women, we already know how important it is to take care of ourselves financially and the men in our lives are aware of that. If you two are doing fine in terms of your own individual finances, marriage isn't going to impact that.

He wants to own a home before he gets married. This is a very common excuse that men use when they are trying to avoid a walk down the aisle. The truth is that with your salaries combined you are much more likely to afford a home sooner.

He's not ready for kids. I've always had difficulty understanding this reasoning. Is there a rule that says you must have children within a certain timeframe after marriage? If your boyfriend is using this as an excuse, it's really that - nothing but an excuse.

He's not sure you're his soulmate. This is actually a painful excuse when you hear it. If you've been with this man for any length of time and you love him, it's hard to hear him telling you that he's not certain you're the woman for him.

Regardless of what excuse he's using, you can get him to fall hopelessly in love with you and want to marry you. Find out now how to do that.

Tips For Getting a Man to Commit to You

Getting a man to commit to you isn't always as simple as we'd like. Some men just aren't ready to give up being single to settle down with just one woman. If you're in love with a man and you envision a future with him, is there anything you can do to make him feel the same way about you? There certainly is. In fact, there are a few simple things any woman can do that will naturally ignite a desire to commit within their man.

The most important thing for a woman to keep in mind about getting a man to commit is to stop talking about it. The more a woman talks about commitment, the more completely men will resist the idea. If a man knows that you want him to be exclusive and more serious about his relationship with you, and he's feeling even just the slightest bit of resistance to that, he'll pull away even more than he has. The very best move a woman can make with a commitment phobic man is to drop the subject altogether. Don't talk about marriage. You can actually even take it one step further if he's always balked at the idea of getting too serious.

Many women find that mimicking the man is one of the best ways to get him to make a commitment. For instance, if the man you are with consistently makes off handed comments about how he doesn't believe in marriage, start doing the same. Don't repeat what he says word for word, but make subtle comments from time to time that suggest that you are far from being ready for marriage. If a woman does this, especially after talking about marriage for some time, it immediately catches the attention of the man she's with. If he questions you about your sudden change of heart tell him that you've realized that he's right and that marriage is too serious for you at this time.

The reason this approach works so well for getting a man to commit is that men want what they don't have. If your boyfriend suddenly feels you pulling away, he'll sit up and take notice. If he senses that you don't find him completely irresistible, he's going to do whatever he can to change your mind. The moment you stop being interested in marrying him, is the same moment he'll become obsessed with the idea of marrying you. Reverse psychology really does work wonders when it comes to getting a man to commit.

There are specific things that any woman can say and do that will make her men want to commit to her. If you believe that he is the man you are destined to be with there are things you can do right now that will make him feel exactly the same way about you. For more insight into how to get your man to commit to you, visit this Helpful Site!

Author
You don't have to wait for him to decide whether or not he's ready to commit to you. If you are tired of putting your dreams on hold because he's commitment phobic, there are things you can do to make him want to marry you now. Learn right now what you need to do to make him fall to his knees and beg you to marry him.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Want a Commitment But Don't Want to Play Games?

Have you complained about wanting a man to just love you for you? Do you believe that you should just be able to be yourself and not try to change for a man to accept you?

It can be extremely frustrating while dating and trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. Let me help you with something...if you understand the rules of attraction, you will no longer view the dating world as game playing.

There are some genuine players out there but chances are, if you're a classy woman you'll attract quality men. But do you usually have everything going well for a while only to have it turn into NOT having a long-term commitment?

If you usually have this pattern with men, you must start to think about what makes men really commit - the qualities that PUSH their commitment button and have them literally beg you for commitment.

How do men view their experience with you? The way you respond to men will either help you to create more interest or cause men to pull away. There is a solution to every dating problem. Know the solution and you will fix the problem.

Some women end up alone because they confuse responding to men in a certain way as playing games. They don't want to really deserve a great relationship by portraying their best selves. They would rather sit around angry and complain that men should just love them for the way they are.

Don't confuse how you should respond with playing games. Get what you really want in your love life.

Author:
Nicole Gayle is the author of the e-book, How to Go from Girlfriend to Wife, written to help you take your man from maybe to "I do" - Be the kind of woman your man HAS to marry.

http://www.howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nicole_Gayle

How to Make Him Adore and Commit to You

Do you want to know how to create the level of attraction in a man that will make him commit to you long-term?

There is a secret to making a man fall in love. If you're wanting a commitment from a man, remember that men have to FALL in love first before they will want a commitment.

Some women are naturals in their relationships and tend to have men worship the ground they walk on. They exude certain qualities that cause men to want them. Have you ever been with a man who didn't want a commitment then left you for another woman who he committed to?

This woman knew the secret that caused a so-called "commitment phobic" man to forget that he was afraid of having a long-term commitment.

And the good news is that you have it within your power to create the kind of attraction in a man that will cause him to be head over heels in love with you.

You don't have to worry about giving your man an ultimatum or hinting at wanting a commitment. When you respond in ways that get inside a man's mind, he will be smitten for good.

Do not allow your inner fears or past relationship mistakes to stop you from getting what you really want in your love life. You deserve true and lasting love and you can take the steps now to create that kind of irresistible attraction that will leave your man begging you for a commitment.

Get your man to adore and commit to you now. Take your man from maybe to "I do" - Be the kind of woman your man HAS to marry. http://www.howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com

Are You Ready to Help Him Commit?

Listen, we don't need to talk this into the ground. What we're going to do is get you to understand how to get what you want from your relationship.

Relationships often follow certain patterns. We start to date then hold certain expectations. We become familiar with the one we love and want more. Sometimes we take them for granted. But most often, we spend the majority of our time trying to get someone else to give us what we think we deserve.

Forget that.

Forget about trying to communicate your relationship to death or get on your man's last nerve. Learn how to reinvent your relationship and reignite his interest instead.

Think about the patterns of life for a min. You take the same route to go to work, you come home. You eat the same foods on a regular basis. You react in similar ways to similar problems.

Although constancy is necessary and offers us security, it often hinders us from growing to the next level. If you can't remember how you got home from work because you always drive the same way, your mind has developed a pattern and placed you on auto-pilot.

I really can't understand why some women complain about not getting what they want then when offered advice, they think you're trying to tell them to play games.

In order for you to get a certain response, you must act a certain way. You have to come out of your small patterns, get outside the box and do something that will really guarantee that you will get what you want.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the e-book, How to Go from Girlfriend to Wife, written to help you take your man from maybe to "I do" - Be the kind of woman your man HAS to marry. http://www.howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com

What Is Commitment in Relationships?

The question of when a relationship is committed is a source of much confusion and debate. We live in a time when the marriage rate is going down, the co-habitation rate is going up, and the majority of first-born children are now born to unmarried parents.

In this article I hope to shed some light on this question to facilitate your work with couples and individuals challenged by different perceptions of the status of their relationships.

COMMITMENT VS. PROMISE

I recently had a conversation with a woman who told me she had just broken off a "committed" relationship. A few questions later I learned that she had been dating this person for a year, they were not living together, and the reason she broke it off is that he "cheated."

We talked about pre-committed vs. committed relationships, and she agreed that it was a pre-committed relationship, but insisted that they had made a "commitment" to each other.

OK, things are getting clearer. On the one hand is the status of the relationship- pre-committed vs. committed, and on the other hand are commitments made within the relationship. Macro vs. micro. Two different things, right?

In our conversation, it occurred to me to make a distinction between a "Commitment" vs. a "Promise." They made a promise to each other within the context of a relationship that was not committed. That distinction seemed to help her make more sense of things.

When I asked the RCI coaches for feedback on the "commitment vs. promise" distinction, most felt that it was just semantics and there is not much of a difference. The general consensus was that when you make a promise you are making a commitment.

Well, I agree that it is a question of semantics, and here is my definition of terms:


PROMISE: Verbally stated future intention to perform a specific act.

- I promise to pick up your dry cleaning and not forget this time - I promise to be exclusive in our relationship

COMMITMENT: Both a FACT demonstrated by behavior, and an ATTITUDE consisting of thoughts and beliefs.

- I am committed to keeping my promises - I am committed to our relationship

In short, a promise is something you say, and a commitment is something you do. A promise is situation-specific. A commitment is contextual.

A promise is a small commitment. If a potential partner doesn't keep promises, I would question their ability to keep commitments, as they are definitely related.

CONFUSION ABOUT COMMITMENT
Whether or not you agree with my semantics, the distinction I made between a commitment and a promise was helpful for the above conversation.

The larger picture though, is that I see a lot of confusion about the status of today's relationships. Some years ago when I coined the term "pre-commitment" to describe couples that were exclusive but not yet committed, it was a helpful distinction, but the question remains- "What is commitment?"

When you are married, it is clear you are in a committed relationship. Your commitment is a legal contract and a publicly witnessed FACT. However, it is common for couples in trouble for one or both partners to have an uncommitted ATTITUDE.

I have talked with many unmarried people, as the woman above, who have described themselves in "committed relationships." They clearly have the attitude, but often have nothing but verbal promises (and sometimes not even that!) to demonstrate that the relationship is committed.

IN MY OPINION, YOU ARE -NOT- IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP IF:

1. Your partner is not aware your relationship is committed
2. You are wondering if this relationship is committed
3. You and your partner have differences of opinion about the status of your relationship
4. Your family and friends have different perceptions about the status of your relationship
5. You and your partner have not acted to explicitly formalize your commitment in some way
6. You are relying on verbal promises without a significant track record of them being kept

A commitment is explicit and unambiguous. A commitment is a formal event of some kind between two people. A commitment is something you DO over time. A real commitment is usually legally enforceable and there are consequences for breaking it.

And, for a relationship to be truly committed, there are no exits- mentally, emotionally, or physically. When the going gets rough, you make it work.

CONTINUUM OF COMMITMENT
Commitment is not a light switch that goes from "off" to "on." When building a relationship with someone, the level of commitment gradually increases.

Then you have all the shades of gray. living together, dating exclusively for more than a year, even engaged to be married, that might look and feel like commitment, but is it really?

FACT VS. ATTITUDE
Commitment in a relationship is complicated in that it takes two people, and it requires an alignment of FACT (events, actions) and ATTITUDE (thoughts, beliefs) for both of them.

It is common to be committed in fact (e.g. "married") but not in attitude (e.g. "I'm not sure this is the right relationship for me").

It is also common to be pre-committed in fact (e.g. dating exclusively) and committed in attitude (e.g. "This is 'The One!' ").

In my work with couples I have found that the most important variable determining their future success is their level of commitment to the relationship.

In my experience, when couples are committed in fact, but not in attitude, their prognosis is poor.

Then, there are the pre-committed couples that generally fall into two categories-

UNCONSCIOUS- typically following the "mini-marriage" model of trying the relationship out, acting committed without actually making the commitment. A disconnect of fact and attitude.

CONSCIOUS- aware that they are not yet committed, usually have commitment as a goal, asking themselves "Is this the right relationship for me? Should I make a commitment?" An alignment of fact and attitude.

CONCLUSION

So, when is a relationship committed?
-- When there is an alignment of fact and attitude.
What creates the "fact" of commitment?
I propose these three criterion:

CRITERIA #1: Promises made to each other about the permanent nature of the relationship that are kept

CRITERIA #2: Explicit, formal, public declaration

CRITERIA #3: Unambiguous to partners and others

In today's world, if all three of the above are met, I would say it is a committed relationship, whether legally married or not.

I sincerely hope this article helps address the common questions about commitment that arise in relationship coaching. There are no pat answers or prescriptions, but it is my hope that these ideas and concepts will help you have productive conversations with your clients that are caught in the gray areas to support them to make effective relationship choices.

Copyright 2006 David Steele

David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of "Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World." http://www.consciousdating.com Visit http://www.consciousrelationshipresources.com for access to free live tele-seminars, audio programs, e-programs, and more for couples and singles who want to find and have a successful conscious relationship.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=David_Steele

Men Will Not Commit Because of Sex

By Nicole Gayle

It's common for many women to believe lies about men and commitment. If you have not been very successful in your relationships with men, I really want to help you get to the truth.
Generally, men have to take a journey to get to where they'll want to commit to a woman long-term. Having sex will not necessarily determine whether a man wants a woman for a long-term partner.
We are often sold lies about how to understand men in the media, in magazines, and in our culture. Big businesses want to make a profit from you having a surface knowledge about men. If you read a headline that appeals to your desire to want a man to fall head over heels in love with you, more than likely you'll want to buy.
Here's the secret that you're not told. Men commit to women all of the time. They want commitment as much as you do and they will do anything if a woman can trigger a deep desire to commit to her. Anything.
When a man finds a woman who responds to awaken him, he will not want to let her go. He'll do whatever it takes to make sure she knows he's into her and will be driven to make her a permanent part of his life.
You just have to exude the traits that will cause men to beg for more. Every woman can learn how to naturally bring a man to fall in love. Remember, you can bring a man to the tipping point where he'll become absolutely crazy and madly in love with you.

Relationship Advice About Commitment

Relationship Advice to Increase Commitment

1. Play hard to get. See how committed your love interest is to you.
People who play hard to get usually have been hurt in the past. They usually have been dumped or cheated upon by past lovers. They are not smart enough to see that breaking up is a positive thing. Usually, these people will use tactics to trap you in a relationship because they fear being alone or do not have enough self-esteem to handle a break up. They will try to limit your social network and your attractiveness to increase your break-up cost and decrease their risk of being dumped by you. If you value yourself, you will never grovel to these types of people. You have better things to do than waste your precious time with these problem people. Your soulmate will never play hard to get.

2. Make lover prove his/her commitment by making him/her your bitch.
This is a form of hazing. Fraternities, gangs, military organizations, and other organizations that value commitment will usually make it difficult for new members to enter their circle. This hazing process weeds out those who can not endure the high love cost of being in a relationship. Survivors of this hazing process are now more committed because they have invested heavily to enter the relationship. Their break-up cost has become too great. Anybody who makes you their bitch has issues and if you allow them to treat you like their bitch, you also have issues.

3. Work hard to increase net benefit of lover while he/she is with you.
Instead of trying to increase your lover's break-up cost directly by limiting their social network or decreasing their attractiveness, do it right. Try lowering your love cost by learning ways to fulfill your own needs and increasing your attractiveness. Also, try to increase the total love benefit of your lover. By optimizing the soulmate ratio of your lover, the chances of them finding another lover better than you diminish. This results in increasing commitment.

4. Increase lover's break-up cost.

Commitment to Love

Net benefit from your lover will fluctuate. Sometimes your net benefit is high. Other times it will be low or even negative. Commitment means that you will not abandon your lover when your net benefit is low or negative. Commitment levels vary from person to person. Some people can take more pain and suffering than others.

If you feel that net benefit will eventually increase, you will be more committed. If you are able to find another love that will provide you more net benefit than the existing one, you will be less committed. Also, if your breakup cost is great, you will be more committed. Breakup cost will be explained in Chapter 4. Mathematically, commitment is written as:

Commitment = future net benefit - future net benefit from another love +
current breakup cost

Insights and Predictions
1. There is nothing sacred about commitment.
2. The main purpose of marriage is to increase breakup cost resulting in commitment.


Tactics to Increase Commitment
1. Play hard to get. See how committed your love interest is to you.
2. Make lover prove his/her commitment by making him/her your bitch.
3. Work hard to increase net benefit of lover while he/she is with you.
4. Increase lover's breakup cost. (See Chapter 4)

The Power of Commitment

Not long ago, a young friend wrote me saying something like this...
"Hi Tony, I wanted to share a quote with you."

"You're probably already familiar with it, but, in case you're not, I think you'll like it because it's similar to one of your favorite quotes by Wallace D. Wattles."

"Here it is:"

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way."

"I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:"

"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!"

I was already familiar with this quote by W. H. Murray (William Hutchinson Murray, 1913-1996) from his 1951 book entitled "The Scottish Himalayan Expedition", but, until my young friend's email, I'd long forgotten just how good it was.

Did you ever wonder why most people don't get what they want (and, quite frankly, most people don't!)?

Well...
I'll tell you why...
I'll tell you *exactly* why...
Most people don't get what they want because they've never made a *firm decision* as to *exactly* what it is that they want.
In other words...
They don't *really* know what they want.
They may think they do...
But...
The bottom line is...
They don't!
And...
Out of the very few who've made a *firm decision* as to *exactly* what it is that they want...

Even fewer...
Only a tiny handful...
Have *committed* themselves to getting it by *beginning* to move toward what they want...
Thus...
Tapping into the power within themselves...
The power that causes, as W. H. Murray wrote:

"A whole stream of events issues... raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance..."

Of all that Wallace D. Wattles wrote, there's one passage, the one my young friend was referring to, that I refer to more than all the others combined. I've quoted it or from it in my replies to hundreds of questions. It forms the very "core" of my personal philosophy.

Here it is...
It comes from his book "The Science of Being Great":
"Have perfect faith in yourself and in your ability to cope with any combination of circumstances that may arise. Do not be disturbed if you are alone; if you need friends they will come to you at the right time. Do not be disturbed if you feel that you are ignorant; the information that you need will be furnished you when it is time for you to have it. That which is in you impelling you forward is in the things and people you need, impelling them toward you. If there is a particular man you need to know, he will be introduced to you; if there is a particular book you need to read it will be placed in your hands at the right time. All the knowledge you need will come to you from both external and internal sources. Your information and your talents will always be equal to the requirements of the occasion. Remember that Jesus told his disciples not to worry as to what they would say when brought before the judges; he knew that the power in them would be sufficient for the need!
s of the hour."

That very same power is in you!

So...

"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!"

Copyright (c) 2007 Tony Mase

Commitment means....

A true commitment is a heart felt promise to yourself, from which you will NOT back down, no matter what the circumstances may be!

Many people have good intentions and dreams, but only a few are willing to commit to what is necessary to achieve them. Do a review on your commitment level, ask yourself these questions and be honest with the answers.

* How badly do I want to achieve my dreams?
* What will achieving my dreams mean to me?
* What price am I willing to pay to make this happen?
* Do I believe I can?

The ability to achieve your goals and dreams will be determined by the level to which YOU are willing to commit. NOTHING is as important as this fact!

There is a huge difference between interest and commitment. When you are interested in something you only do it when it is convenient. When you are committed to something you accept NO excuses.

The enemy of commitment is resistance. Anything you wish to achieve that is worthwhile, will meet with resistance. This can take the form of, family friends, advisers, self-doubt, self-defeating habits, lack of money, regulations, peer-pressure and many other unforseen difficulties, such as illness etc.

This can leave you questioning your dreams or even your sanity! Take some comfort in the fact that you are not alone. All those who wish to make a better life for themselves, will meet with resistence

Think of athletes or performers in any field. The endless hours of practice and learning. The lack of a social life. The defeats . The huge amount of sacrifices and challenges these people have to meet so they can fulfill their dreams. Only YOU can decide whether the rewards you look forward to are worth your effort.

A serious commitment to a goal does not mean you have to take all the joy and fun out of life. Laughter and humour are an integeral part of the human make up. Intergrate fun into your daily goals.

Learn the difference betweeen giving up and giving in. There may be many times when giving up a certain direction or idea, would be wise. Giving in, on the other hand, should never even be considered.

Life presents itself one day at a time. Take your commitments in daily bite-sized pieces. You can do without mental indigestion! One brick at a time, a house is built. One stroke at a time, the artist paints!
by: Lynne Schulze